


Frightened You'd Slip Away

by senator_princess_general



Category: Dalton Academy Series
Genre: I had to do a lot more googling about drug safety for this than initially expected, M/M, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, What happens in Windsor House stays in Windsor House, [Carly Rae Jepson voice] BUT HOW'D WE GET IN THIS POSITION?, [chanting] ANGST ANGST ANGST!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26170000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/senator_princess_general/pseuds/senator_princess_general
Summary: A short tale of missed chances and catharsis // AU where Shane thought Reed rejected him and Reed confesses when he isn't sober.
Relationships: Shane Anderson/Micah Randall, Shane Anderson/Reed Van Kamp
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	Frightened You'd Slip Away

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to kb who Venmoed me $0.10 of her actual human money to write this.

Just as Windsor initiations were a wild tradition, graduations were even  _ more  _ untamed. And, while any graduation could probably warrant several Dean calls, all the previous ones didn’t involve the Tweedles graduating.

With enough alcohol to sink one of their yachts and enough substances to make a policeman faint, they were lucky what happened in a dorm on the night of graduation stayed there. Another Dalton tradition: unless someone got sent to the ER, nobody talked (including house head). 

And so, chaos reigned. 

Drew and Satoru concocted a rather dubious mixture of alcohols for a patented jungle juice that promised to black you out after shooting one glass; Wes and Kurt baked a heavenly tray of actual Magic Cookies (of which several Windsors underestimated their potency); Dwight locked himself in his room and shared some of Todd’s contraband scotch as a way to avoid the  _ literally  _ coked-up Tweedles until their high dwindled down; and despite it only being about 9 PM, there were already several men down and not a sober one in the house. In fact, several boys dabbled in substances for the first time that night. Some of them wondered how the Stuart and Hanover parties were, since inter-house party hopping and non-Dalton students attending were forbidden.

The activities could be just as feral. Since all of the Windsor’s personal belongings were packed away, the common room was barren and had loads of available space. The twins cheated at spin the bottle enough times they couldn’t even keep track of who they  _ didn’t  _ kiss, Shane made bank doing a borderline lip sync burlesque performance on top of one of the antique tabletops, and while everyone would hear banging noises coming from a nearby closet every once in awhile, no one asked. 

By the time the traditional confession circle rolled around, it was surprising that no one was dead. Midnight struck, the music died, and the lights brightened. On cue, the boys settled themselves into a rough circle, awaiting what was scary and ominous to some and the most exciting part of the night to others.

As was tradition, any underclassmen who dared attend the party and lasted got to ask the graduating seniors  _ any  _ question, and they had to tell the truth, whether it broke the rules (or the law) or not. The Tweedles, now sobered up from their coke high and just taking hits from a shared blunt, were particularly excited to potentially fess up to some of the “pranks” that were too risky to discuss, and it seemed as though after everything this graduating class went through, a lot of them were not too scared to admit some things. What could even shock them anymore? Reed Van Kamp stood out in particular. Just a few days ago, he was falling apart over the concept of doing this, but since he ate a few grams of mushrooms for the first time a few hours ago (as well as a microdosed CBD edible or two), he suddenly felt a lightness and intimate connection to all of his friends. If he was drinking, he would have been sobbing all night, but with the psychedelic coursing through his bloodstream, he was euphoric. He could say  _ anything.  _

Which is why it took so many of his friends off guard to hear the truthfulness of his answer to a particular question. 

“What is your biggest regret?” Clay asked, nursing one of the jungle juice “cocktails”. He was the last freshman standing. This warranted snickering and chokes from the whole bunch.

The twins pretended to crack their fingers, preparing to say the most shocking news, but other responses were more tender and honest. David discussed regretting not calling out racism in academia more often, and Blaine talked about how he wished he got a therapist sooner than senior year. Drew and Satoru talked about how they wish they worked out their feelings for each other sooner than two months before graduating, and Reed…

“I regret not telling Shane I liked him back sooner,” he said, confidently and almost giddy.

The room fell silent, save from a violent coughing fit from Shane himself, as Reed’s answer caught him off guard mid-hit.

“W-what?” he asked between coughs. 

That wasn’t the response Reed expected. He shrugged. “After you left New Years, I kinda figured out that I liked you back, but I was just… too unsure of myself to say anything.” He paused, observing energy of the room. “I mean, I’ll keep it brief, but I never actually told you ‘no’ when you would flirt with me because I was waiting for just the right moment to respond. I just waited too long, is all. I still treasure our friendship more than anything, and I’m so happy for you and Micah. But, it still sucks for me to look back on it.”   
  
Shane chuckled in order to hide the panic that overtook his body. “Haha… yeah.” The room was still silent. “Will you excuse me for a second?”    
  
Shane got up and made his way to the nearest bathroom in the most calm manner he could, though he was lucky he was naturally coordinated from dance because he took that night as an excuse to get more crossfaded than he had in awhile.

The door slammed, and while several Windsors broke the silence and moved on, Reed couldn’t ignore the sound of vomiting from the other side of the door. It didn’t help that Blaine followed after him after he heard it too. Reed sat there, petrified in his seat, as the joy and euphoria that came with the mushrooms transformed into paranoia and dread.

_What did you just_ _do, Reed Van Kamp?_

* * *

A knock startled Reed awake early the next morning. He had the room to himself that night since Kurt spent his in another room. He checked his phone: 5:24 AM.  _ Fuck _ , he thought. He only fell asleep a few hours ago.  _ Kurt owes me for letting him in again. _ Reed trudged up unthinking. He noted to himself that coming down from mushrooms was easier than weed and that he did actually want to try again in the future.

He opened the door, and to his surprise, Shane stood before him, and he looked like shit.

“Hey, Reed…” he said, “Can I come in?”    


“Yeah, Shane, anything,” Reed ushered him in, and locked the door behind him. If Kurt really  _ did  _ forget his key, he could wait.

Shane sat on Kurt’s bed opposite Reed, an odd distance considering how physically close they remained even after he got back together with Micah. A deafening silence hung between them as they sat in the dark room. The only light came from the rising sun peeking behind the curtains. Shane seemed a shell of who he normally was. Reed had seen him hungover, but  _ never  _ like this. The circles under his eyes seemed almost bruise-like, and his movements felt lazy and lifeless. At least it seemed he cleaned up a bit and changed his clothes after he threw up. 

“I couldn’t sleep,” Shane broke, “Sorry for waking you up. I needed to catch you before you left in a few hours to go home. I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said.” Reed sat there unresponsive. How could he respond to that? He was glad he was able to fall asleep at all after the reaction to his confession. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I don’t know,” Reed shifted. He clutched and fiddled with his comforter. “I guess you moving on seemed so smooth. Like, you kinda read me as telling you ‘no’ after New Years in New York and got together with Micah no problem. Especially because It felt odd for me to intervene after all this time.”   
  
“ _ Smooth?”  _ Shane actually scoffed a little. Reed wondered if some substances remained in his system, because he wouldn’t normally respond like that. Not to him, anyway. Though, never has something of this magnitude affected them. “It would have been smoother if  _ we _ got together after New Years. It’s miraculous that Micah and I were able to get together _ at all _ after everything! Hell, both of us have nearly  _ died  _ even before Hell Night, Reed. We aren’t the same people we were at fourteen and fifteen.”

Reed shifted again and bit his lip. “Did you tell him?”   
  
“No. I just told him I threw up and was going to bed.”

“I think he knew too, Shane.”   
  
“Well, that’s because he is one of the most perceptive people I’ve ever met.”

“No, I think he knew because I told him.”

Another deafening pause.

“What? Why?” Shane still sounded a little angry.

“I just-” Reed flailed, starting to match Shane’s energy. “It felt like something I needed to tell him! After we all started to get close and he knew how bad you crushed on me. Honestly, I didn’t think me admitting that in the circle was that big of a deal! I’m not the most subtle person. I feel like everything I do is such a spectacle when I don’t even mean for it to be!”   
  
“Well, that clearly wasn’t the case! So, you told him you liked me back!?”   
  
“No, I told him I liked you back, but was happy for you guys and was happy to still be your friend! And let me tell you something: he understood, and he  _ thanked _ me because he knew I was ready to move on!”   
  
“Well, you know what? I wasn’t!” Shane was almost hysterical. “And, I hate to admit it, but I’m still not! After all this time!”

“...me, neither.”

Their exasperation softened, and suddenly their abundance of words vanished. They were speechless. There was no more time for confrontation like this. Not with the time they had left.

“So, where do we go from here?” Reed asked.

“I don’t know,” Shane responded. “I’m not breaking up with him.”   
  
“I’d never in a million years ask you to. You yourself said it was a miracle that both of you fell back in love, in a way. Why would I want you to break up just because I missed my chance?”   
  
“You didn’t fuck up, Reed.”   
  
“Yeah, I did, and that’s okay.”

“Since we’re confessing things tonight, I still have feelings for you. And, that feels so  _ so  _ shitty to say and think about since Micah and I have been going so strong these past years, but I just-”   
  
“You just love him more.” Reed finished, unflinching.

“Yeah…” Shane admitted. “I do.”

“That makes me happy then. It may hurt a little, Shane, but after all you have been through, seeing you have someone like him makes me so happy. And, I must admit, he has given you things I wouldn’t have been able to.”   
  
Shane waited a minute before proceeding, not wanting to come across as insulting to Reed. “...I wish you had the same.”   
  
“Yeah, well, maybe leaving the school will lead me to someone. You know, after admitting to them that I graduated high school without having even kissed anyone,” Reed joked as an attempt to soften the mood.

“Well… do you want to be?”   
  
Reed tenderly looked up at Shane, brown eyes meeting his greenish ones. The sun made the room brighter with every minute that passed, which backlit Shane in a divine golden aura, and as odd as it was to say, Shane’s dubious sobriety made him appear almost Dionysian at this moment. Even at his worst, Reed couldn’t help but think about painting him. 

Reed thought about what he had just offered. What would Micah say? Is Shane sober enough for this? Would this just complicate things more? Every possible question Reed could have had raced through his mind, but he was tired of not making up his mind and staying silent. He just needed to respond. Make a decision on time for  _ once  _ in his life, god damn it! 

“I don’t want to come between you and Micah,” he said. “I don’t want to be a homewrecker.”   
  
“I could literally text Micah right now, and he would understand. Trust me, I know him. He won’t mind. He is  _ literally  _ the most understanding guy in the world. Nothing we could do right now would change anything.” Shane could tell Reed was still a bit uncomfortable by the gesture, and immediately backed off. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just thought-”   
  
“Yes.” 

Reed could blame his answer on impulsivity or remnants of psychedelics, but he didn’t want to. The truth was, all year he just wanted Shane, and right then was the last time he may ever be able to have him. 

“Are you sure?” he asked. Reed nodded. He was never more sure about something in his life. 

Shane stood up from the bed and made his way over to Reed, kneeling at his level. He tucked a tuft of Reed’s bed head behind his ear and cupped his face, resting his forehead onto Reed’s. With the morning sun illuminating his face, Shane couldn’t help but smile in his most charming of ways, and comment. 

“Angelic,” he murmured, and pressed his lips gently onto Reed’s. Reed gently draped his arms around the taller boy’s shoulders. Neither of them ever thought that this was how they would finally do it, but it didn’t even matter. It was just the two of them with no time left in the world. Who could have ever thought that catharsis could feel better than romance?

When Shane pulled away, Reed was on the verge of tears, yet smiling through them. He had never felt anything so bittersweet before. How beautiful. 

“I’m going to miss you,” was all he could say. They still held onto each other.

“Yeah, me too, but it isn't forever.” Shane said blissfully. After a few more seconds, he peeled himself away from the shorter boy, who wiped his tears with his pajama sleeve. “We should both probably get some sleep, huh?” he chuckled.

“Yeah.”   
  
“I’ll see you in the morning before you leave for the airport. Hopefully when we’re a bit more put together.”   
  
Reed let out a single snicker. “I’ll see you then, but you better take a shower,” he quipped.

“After tonight? Aw, Reed, I thought you would have wanted the stale weed smell to remember me by?”   
  
Reed’s little giggle turned into a full laugh at that moment. Shane grinned back out of relief. They were going to be okay. Live diverged their paths long ago, but they were still going to be okay.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Shane.”   
  
“See you tomorrow, Reed.”


End file.
